"I knew I was different when I had to take standardized testing and could only pick one..."

Through the eyes of: Rebekah
(Written by Rebekah)

When did you first realize you were black?

I am biracial (black/white) so even though both of my parents skin tones were completely different I did not understand race or acknowledge it for a long time. I knew I was different when I had to take standardized testing and could only pick one race but it took me awhile to comprehend what that meant.I think the first time it hit me that I was really different was in the sixth grade. My best friend had an older friend and I guess she didn't like me for some reason...anyways she told my best friend, "why was I hanging out with all the black people...that I didn't belong with them." I swear my heart dropped because I started to think well where do I belong? It's crazy because when I was in elementary all my good friends were black( I did have one white friend named Nicole, she was awesome). I guess I felt like I was more comfortable around black people even if I didn't pay attention to race at the time.

I felt like I wanted to associate myself deeper with the black community after that rude ass girl said those things about me. At times I felt like I had to prove my "blackness" to people because I was mixed.Then there were others who told me that I was considered black because my dad was black. It was like I almost got a pass LOL.

I really didn't start fully embracing both of my races until I was well into college. I went to an HBCU my first two years and was pro black everything. I never really talked about my white side which was kind of weird.

One day I was hanging out with a friend listening and enjoying non hip hop music and it just hit me. I thought to myself wow liking different things that are not just associated with the black culture is okay. I felt like this wall had come down and I was free to embrace both sides. Now I can say that I proudly embrace both of my races and don't care if people think "I'm acting white or acting black" <----I hate when people say that.

It may sound weird but even though I embrace both races I still feel the most comfortable around black people. I feel like I can relate more. Whether it sounds right or not, that's the way I feel.

Just call me confused & mixed up & I LOVE IT!! :)